The Luckiest Girl

Alone, but far from lonely.

So I've had an interesting week marked by feelings of confusion, disappointment, and sorrow. I have been awakened. A few more 'girlish' dreams have died. But it's okay.

After two days of stomach flu, translation: lots of time to lie in bed and think about my life, I have come to some comforting realizations. Not the least of which is that I am my future. When I was in highschool, I told my dear band director that my boyfriend had "made me so mad!" when he asked why I was crying. He looked at me and said, "Why do you let him? He can't make you, you allow him." Youth? Yes, of course. But also a good lesson that has stuck with me. And something that has shaped relationships in my life. Those who know me well might say that I am a bit of a control freak. I don't particularly cherish this title, but, to some extent at least, it is true. I like to be in control of my life and emotions at all times. The bad part about always being in control is that you lose out on the fun of losing control.

Over the past several months I have allowed my emotions to get a little "out of control". And now I am paying the consequences. Again. Only this time, my heart is not broken. I am just sad to realize that I have held on to a dream of what I want someone to be, as opposed to accepting them for who they are. And that is my fault. I should have been more focused on what I want my life to be. And who I want to be. Because when I am reaching for my goals instead of trying to make someone change theirs, I will find someone or something that will fill that 'empty space' that I am holding for...something. Sometimes, love is not enough. It is a painful lesson to learn, but valuable. And I am happy to have learned it...again.

Here comes summer! I can't wait! :)!

posted by: squintzinca at June 15, 2005 15:54 | link | comments (1) |

Happy Tuesday!

I spent the last weekend in Reno with Christy and Susie. We had a blast! We drove up on Friday after work and stayed until Monday. We gambled a little (very little) and went out dancing until 3 am on Saturday night. It was so fun. On Sunday night we had tickets to see Reba and Teri Clark at the Reno Events Center. We ended up in the 5th row, and had SUCH A GOOD TIME! The venue is fairly small and I would encourage anyone who gets a chance to see a show there. Both ladies put on a great show.

Reba                                                      Reba & Terri Clark

We got back to town yesterday afternoon. Thanks girls! It was fun!

posted by: squintzinca at June 07, 2005 19:26 | link | comments (1) |

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
                                                                                             -Umberto Eco

Happy Blogging Anniversary to me! As hard as it is for me to believe, I have had this blog for year. I guess time flies when you are having fun! (And sometimes even when you are not!) The past year has had some ups and downs, as any life well lived should have, and I have loved a little, cried a little, lost a little and gained a little. And learned a lot about myself and about people and life in general. I've made some new friends, and lost some old ones, but I refuse to look back with regret on any decisions or circumstances that have brought me to where I am. My life is full, and I am happy. "Life is strange with it's twists and turns and every one of us sometimes learns. And many a quitter has struck out when he might have won had he stuck it out." I used to have this poem in my kitchen on a greeting card. I probably still have it buried in a box somewhere. It's called "Don't Quit". And this particular line comes to my mind over and over in my life. I can't even begin to remember the entire poem, but this part seems to help me no matter what the challenge might be. As I reflect back on my life, especially the past year, I have been the happiest with the decisions that have been the toughest to make. For those of you who have journeyed with me via motime, offered your advice and encouragement, Thank you. I look forward to sharing another year with you.

To all of you who are helping me to become the person I can be, thank you. Love to you all.

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
John Burroughs

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.
Henry Van Dyke

posted by: squintzinca at June 03, 2005 16:43 | link | comments (1) |