The Luckiest Girl

Alone, but far from lonely.

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User: squintzinca
Name: Karen Srack
It's true. I really am the luckiest girl, ever. Don't believe me? Read on, friends, and believe.

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Home » January 2009
Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Spring already?? Probably not, but I hope the butterflies last…
 
I spent yesterday learning to ski. I had a great time. It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue and the sun was shining.  There was a lot of falling, literally, and I have the bruises to prove it. There was some figurative falling as well, as I lost a little more of my heart to the guy who kept picking me up and dusting me off. Though I am sure I tested his patience he never showed his frustration and just kept smiling and encouraging me. Even exhausted and sore, lying in the snow, just seeing him standing there made me smile and my tummy turn over in that funny way. Those elusive butterflies are here.
 
I have had (and have) my moments of insecurity with this new relationship. I think that is pretty normal, and time will cure most of them. In some ways I feel like I am racing ahead throwing caution to the wind, but I know that my heart has been slow to let go. I know that there are no guaranties, in life or in love, and that’s okay. I hear that the cooler weather is headed in this week, and maybe even some rain, but I’m not going to worry about what might be coming down the road. For right now, I’m going to enjoy my spring, my new beginning, and butterflies that have nothing to do with the weather.

posted by: squintzinca at January 20, 2009 09:12 | link | comments (2) |

Friday, 09 January 2009

“A little girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.” 

I guess it begins at birth, this growing up thing. Though I have heard many a parent exclaim 'it's like he/she grew up overnight!" And I think there is some truth to that as well. To me, the non-parent, it seems as if kids are gowing up faster than ever. They are so far ahead of where I was when I was their age - whatever age they are. My nephews have been my first real experience with growing boys. They are different then girls, for sure. Haha. But today my musings come from a little girl going on 8, and changing before her Father's eyes. He is frustrated, unsure, and a little sad. I bet if she could articulate her feelings, if she could somehow have the insight that will only come with much more time, she would mirror her Dad's feelings.

I am the somewhat silent witness. I am just getting to know this tight knit family. It has been fun to see their interactions, their quiet language that is all their own. I truly believe watching a family love each other - however frustrated they may be at any given moment, is one of the true joys this world has to offer and I am grateful to have been invited and even welcomed into this one. The newness has given me a perspective that is untouched by what used to be or what might have been. I have no familiarity with the little girl that was, and am as much a stranger to who she might become as anyone else.

I feel for both sides of this...struggle...for lack of a better word. It is only the beginning of all that Dad will not understand, and it will be awhile before this little beauty will even be aware of the change in her. Maybe she never will be. I have been concentrating, reaching deep into the recesses of my mind to try and find some insight to help Dad out, some bit of wisdom seeing as I was once a little girl who grew up. But you are just so unaware when you are a child. Life is happening and you are not consumed with the worry of passing time. Not like grown ups. Children still have the luxury of days and weeks lasting forever, not flying by the way they do when you are older. But that is not really the point.

It's a complicated thing, being a girl. A lady. A woman. Once a little girl starts to become not so little it never stops, and she must be on her toes every second, trying to be both self-aware and sensitive, both soft and strong, both needed and needing. It is a delicate balance. You want to be everything and nothing. You want to be independent but not isolated. You want to be brave but still need to be protected. It takes practice. Lots of it. Emotions come from nowhere and take control of your entire being. At some point you become aware of your overreactions but even then you are sometimes helpless to control them.

I doubt that anyone experiences it in exactly the same way, but all women go through it. And so do Dads. Dads all over the world have been bewildered for ages trying to figure out what their little girls need as they grow up. I guess in closing, the only really valuable thing I can offer is hope. Even at her craziest moments, your little girl will love you (even if she pretends not to). You are the one she will turn to when her heart is broken and life has let her down. You are the one she will come to with her biggest accomplishments to see the pride in your eyes. You are her first love. And ultimately, love will win the coming battle.

posted by: squintzinca at January 09, 2009 06:50 | link | comments (1) |